#I RAMBLED AND NO ONE TOLD ME I DIDNT EVEN ANSWER THE QUESTION

[turrondeluxe]

I just realized i never actually answered the question lmao

its pizza

homemade pizza it's their favorite

the apple didn't fall far from the tree

Hi. So, I saw Mikey feed Odyn a bottle of (presumably) milk, but what other things do the turtle tots like to eat?

It was indeed milk!

We don't truly know how exactly ronin Mikey grew up but I'm assuming that in like most iterations of the turtles, food and a place to stay were hard to come by when growing up, specially when Mikey and his brothers were babies. Because of this, Mikey knows what is like growing hungry and not letting any food they had the luck of having go to waste.

In the comic Mikey is shown growing his own crops and harvesting them So in the au Mikey grows his own vegetables and fruits making it easier for him to prepare food for the babies. He tries his best to make a large variety of dishes for them because he wants them to try as much they want and never go hungry. Since Mikey is a turtle mutant himself he tries to makes dishes that would appeal to their turtle cravings too, like algae! In addition to this, in the au Mikey sells his harvest to nearby towns to manage with money or stuff he and the babies need for the house! (like ingredients to make homemade pizza :] )The people from the towns he usually visits don't really mind him or the babies because they are aware they are Hamato clan members and the people from the towns actually like having the little turtle family around! (Since Mikey can't really leave the babies on their own yet (not like he wants to either), the towns knows of their existance and they love them)

[parfaitblogs]

making the bed ❀ s. reid x reader

in which your night crumbles around you, and spencer is happy to pick up the pieces. 

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader genre: hurt/comfort  tags: established relationship. (prior) alcohol consumption. reader is semi-drunk (but sobers up). post drinking depression. healthy alcohol information/discussion 🫡 word count: 2.1k a/n: do not read too much into this for you will begin to question why i still enjoy going clubbing. (joke...) 😄 plsss tell me if u liked this or even if u didnt thank u i love uuuuuu

Alcohol is a depressant. 

You remembered the God awful lecture your boyfriend had given you when you woke up one Sunday morning with this feeling of existential dread, and nothing to pin it to. A ramble about how alcohol can temporarily increase the body's production of dopamine and serotonin when entering, causing a worse crash of both chemicals when it leaves. Leaving you, evidently, depressed and anxious after a big night. 

You knew that. 

You also knew how quick you were to seclude within your mind when you were with people. Too many drinks and not enough social interaction tended to lead to your own isolation, sitting on the outer edge of the booth, absentmindedly playing with the charm on the end of your phone. 

The room no longer spun the way it had an hour ago. You missed when it spun. When it spun, you weren't thinking about how little you had to contribute to the conversations your friends were having. You weren't tallying up how many drinks you had already drank, then falling flat when you realised you couldn't remember, and that was a thought more horrifying than knowing it was over ten. You were fun, when the room was a carousel. 

Now, it's simply overwhelming. Loud chattering from both your table, and the surrounding ones. Clinking of glasses at the bar. A sports game on the television across the room. Balls on a pool table being dispersed for the first time in a game. Dancing feet. Music. People. So many fucking people.

Your phone buzzes against the table, and you pick it up before any of your friends could turn their heads to see where the vibrations were coming from. You figured they were too drunk to conclude it was you, anyways. Or to care. 

Spencer had texted you fifteen minutes ago to check in on you, and though it wasn't long ago, you not responding immediately in a flurry of half strung together sentences and emojis was worrying for him. That was probably why his name was now lighting up your screen, a funny photo of him mid-bite of an ice cream as his contact photo, enlarged. 

You hadn't responded for no reason other than the fact that you had no will to. Which should've been a big enough red flag to yourself that you should text him, and you should ask if he can pick you up. Thankfully, he loved to prove how well he could read you, and he was calling you anyways. 

"Hi," you mumble into the phone, angling your body away from your friends, hand held up to your other ear to block out some of the noise the best you could. 

"Hi," he parrots back to you. "You okay?"

An automatic yes manifests on your tongue, but you're quick enough to keep it to yourself before you can lie to him. Instead, you let out a quiet, "No."

He seems to have expected that answer, for he leaves no silence in between your admission and his response. "What can I do to help?" He also seems to be expecting your hesitance at asking him for anything that would require him to move, because he adds, "I can pick you up. Do you want me to pick you up?"

"Yes. Please?"

"I'm already leaving," he tells you, and you can hear his shoes against the wooden floor of his apartment to confirm that. "Did something happen? Are you safe?"

"No, nothing happened. I'm safe," you reassure him. "I started feeling sick so I stopped drinking an hour ago. Now I'm just sad."

"You remember what I told you about it being a depressant?"

"Vividly," you mutter, and while it isn't meant to be funny, you hear him huff a short laugh anyways. It makes you feel a little better. 

"It's important to know," he defends. "I'm sorry I shared important information with you."

"Mm."

Your lack of a verbal response was expected, but he still hated the sound of it regardless. You heard him sigh. "I have to hang up now. I'll be there in forty minutes. Will you be okay?"

"Yeah."

"Okay. I love you."

"Love you too."

No matter how much time had passed, your head lifted every time the door — that your group was so conveniently close to — opened, letting in a rush of cool air and sobering you up with every hit of it. 

True to his word, Spencer was entering the bar after forty minutes, face scrunching up at the sudden onslaught of noises and visual stimuli. Same boat as you, only he had not a drop of alcohol in his body. At least you weren't crazy about it being overstimulating. 

"This is why I don't go to bars," he says once he's approached your booth, and you had stood up next to you, his hand finding an automatic place on your waist. 

"It's usually not this bad," you tell him, but he decides not to ask you anything else upon hearing just how exhausted your voice sounds. You're grateful for that.

The goodbye to your friends is quick, Spencer rattling off a lie about him needing you home for he had work early the next morning, and you only had one key to the apartment. Even the friends who knew that wasn't the case didn't comment on it, and you made a pointless mental note to thank them for it later. You knew you wouldn't. 

The drive home was even faster. Silence, aside from the rush of the wind from your slightly cracked window as Spencer drove, that helped the sick feeling in your stomach from the alcohol you had consumed. 

It didn't seem to help the hollowness of your chest, though.

You weren't sure if anything would, really. A chemical imbalance in your brain — even one as temporary as the deflation from being drunk — was hard to fix without medication. It would go away, yes. But then you would make the mistake of drinking once more, and you would find yourself back in this brain peeling predicament. 

You showered alone. Despite Spencer's offer to join you, and your own personal desire for him to be there with you. It didn't help your fogged mind at all, and you were exiting the bathroom feeling like you had retreated further into your bones. Every movement felt clunky, your skin a heavy coat to your skeleton, restricting your movement down to short shuffles and barely lifted arm movements. 

He was reading when you reentered your bedroom, and you've never seen him put a book and his glasses back on his bedside table faster. He looked visibly tired. Keeping himself awake a seemingly difficult struggle, that you could feel your body heading towards to as well. 

"Hey," he says as you climb into the bed, and he's very patient as you figure out what position you want your bodies in. Head on his chest, but next to him, you had decided on, and his fingers entangled into your hair.

"Hi," you mumble, staring up at the ceiling, counting brush strokes of the paint, as if it were possible to.

"Penny for your thoughts?"

You huff at the phrase, tilting your head upwards so your eyes could land on him. "Do you have a penny?"

He pauses, then angles his head closer towards yours. "Okay, kiss for your thoughts?"

"That'll just distract me."

"Is that what you want?"

You should say no. Arguably the last thing you should be doing when you're sad is let intimacy with your boyfriend distract you. But then again, you're not the best advocate for healthy coping mechanisms anyways. 

"Maybe."

"Maybe?" he muses, and his lips brush against yours. Your heart flutters. 

"I don't really know what I want," you settle on telling him, honestly. "I want my brain to shut up."

His body deflates beneath you, and you feel guilt chip away up your spine at the killing of the less depressing atmosphere. 

"Sorry," you mumble.

"No. It's good. Be honest with me," he reassures you, quietly. His fingers tap at your scalp, "What's going on up here?"

"I'll cry if I try to verbalise it."

"Crying's good for you, you know," he hums.

"I'm pretty sure I still have eyeliner in my waterline. I'll just stain your sheets," you retort. 

"Yeah, probably. That's fine."

You're silent for a few moments, gathering your thoughts in your brain the best you could despite yourself, before you sit up, his hand dropping to the bed beside you.

"I just don't like being... here? Out? I don't know. I'm just really sick of being sad every time I drink. Is there something wrong with me? Did you get sad whenever you drank? Everyone else I know loves going out for drinks because they have fun and they're giggly drunks, or they're clingy drunks. And if I drink too much then I'm a fucking sad drunk, and I'm the only person I know that gets that way. I want to be normal."

He's silent your entire rant, and then some, waiting for your heaving chest to slow, having caught the few tears that slipped down your cheeks. You were grateful — you needed that time.

He reaches a hand out, and you let him tug you back down to the bed, slotting your body atop his own, just so he could see you properly. 

"To answer your question, no, I didn't get sad when I drank," he says, brushing your hair out of your face, before his hands rest on either side of your face. "But I wasn't really happy, either. I just talked more."

"You already talk a lot."

His lips twitch. "I do. Double whatever you think my worst is, and that was me drunk. Focus on the part where I said I wasn't a happy drunk, please."

"But you weren't sad. So there is something wrong with me."

"No, there's not. Alcohol is a depressant," he punctuates his words with a kiss to your nose, which you gratefully accept despite your emotions. "Are you willing to give up alcohol as a whole?" 

"My friends will think I'm boring, then."

He hesitates in his response, but ultimately settles on asking, "Do you think I'm boring because I don't drink?"

"No. Obviously not. And you have a real reason for not drinking, so—"

"—and being sad isn't a real reason to not drink?"

Taken aback by his sudden sternness, you go quiet, breath hitching within your throat. He was right, ultimately. No reason is reason enough. You knew that. 

Sensing your discomfort at his tone, he expels a breath of air and lowers his hands down to your hips. His voice drops to something a little less harsh, as he murmurs, "You are allowed to not want to drink alcohol if you don't like the way it makes you feel. If your friends think you're boring for that, then they're not worth it."

You silently nod your head, beginning to curse your emotional regulators. For while you had kept your tears at bay for the vast majority of this conversation, it seemed all it took was the gentle rubbing of circles onto your hip bones, and a fact checked piece of life advice from your boyfriend to make you cry. 

"Sorry," you sniffle, dropping your head to the crook of his neck to hide your newly tear stricken face. 

"Crying's good for you," he repeats his earlier words, and feels you nod your head. "You don't have to decide tonight. I'd encourage you not to, actually. You're technically still intoxicated."

"I'm sober," you protest, weakly. 

"Okay, honey." He's only agreeing with you to wane any further argument. "I don't think your friends will think you're boring, though, if that's any help."

"I don't think they will either."

He nods his head, and you're relaxing against him a little more. 

"Are you just trying to not be the only loser who doesn't drink?" you mumble, voice muffled by his skin.

"You've caught me."

He relishes in the laugh that leaves your lips, and he places the gentlest of kisses on the side of your head, which prompts you to lift it to look at him again. 

"You're not a loser for not drinking," you say, and his lips pull into a smile. 

He leans his head up, brushing his lips against yours, despite the mix of mint toothpaste and alcohol on your tongue. "I know. You wouldn't be either."

"I know."

your reblogs and replies are always appreciated ♡

[kumezyzo]

p2 of the enemies to lovers pls!!

very fun pt.2 to thissss.... i rambled about their minecraft world cause its kinda cute and builds on their relationship a bit.

i know someone else asked for pt.2 but i could only find this one. so, im sorry it took soooo long to write.

i really hope you enjoy! or dont... :)    m.list

having to share a minecraft house with sapnap made you realize what kind of person he actually was. he was just a six year old in a 22 year old body.

"I want my bed over hereeeeee," he whined, picking it up and moving it to the other side of the room.

it just so happened that one of the next requests from your viewers was to have your beds next to eachother. you two debated pretending like you never saw it, but the next day, it was the top comment on both of your perspectives.

or (when you first started your world)

"what colour do you want your boots?" he asked you as he died his own leather boots orange. you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion for a second, looking at your camera strangley.

"what do you mean?" you asked, crafting another pickaxe.

"your leather boots?" he asked, pausing to wait for your answer. "fuck it, youre getting the plain brown."

"okay?"

but you also started to realise how much differently he truly was from when you met him.

"yn, i have a suprise for you," he announced, smiling as he grabbed the item out of his chest. "where are you?"

"chest room," you replied, completely expecting to get thrown dirt or some garbage he didnt want in his inventory.

"close your eyes," he instructed.

"no,"

"okay whatever," he sighed and threw you a notch apple. you silently let your character pick it up before you opened your inventory in disbelief.

"where did you get this?" you asked him, reading the item title over and over.

"in the desert temple," he told you simply, waiting for a 'thank you'.

you were silent for a moment, "youre telling me.... you've had this... for 15 EPISODES???"

and you two started having normal conversations. texting stopped being you two asking for face cam perspectives or gameplay. you actually started forming inside jokes, laughing with eachother instead of at the expense of eachother.

your viewers started to notice as well. you two weren't in a visibly bad mood around eachother anymore. it was refreshing. in the later videos of your series together, you're smiling through half of it, laughing together, and talking kindly to eachother.

people even started making edits of your relationship. it would be of your first interaction, swearing at each other, then fading into your side by side face cams laughing and celebrating over beating the wither.

the friends in your circle started teasing you about how your life was becoming a little fanfiction. every time you would be streaming irl, you would happen to get a text from someone that made you smile at your phone.

"oooh, yn, who are you texting?" your friend teased, seeing you type on your phone excitedly. you look up at the camera and ignore your friend, finishing the text you were sending.

"does it start with s and rhyme with snap map?" your other friend teases.

"shut the fuck up," you roll your eyes, trying to hide your smile.

when dream and george saw the clip, they were hanging out with sapnap. and a similar situation occurred with them

"was this you?" george asked, giggling. the man in question looked up from his phone and watched the clip silently. the smile on your face was contagious. and he hoped it really was him that made you react like that.

"wait, let me see," dream said, pulling georges wrist toward him to see the phone. "looks like she might be dating someone."

"yeah... definitely not me..."

then you both realized you had feelings for each other. it was a harsh realization. but it was one that made you like imagining you two together. for sap, he knew it was coming. he just knew you would never be able to leave his mind. if a childlike crush didn't manifest from it, he would have known something was wrong with him.

sap started getting the feeling that you liked him too. he can't see all those clips and edits and think you didn't like him too. but he was afraid to shoot his shot, just in case you didn't feel that strongly yet.

"hey, what do you think about coming down to florida?" he asked you when you two were on a discord call and fixing up some building in your minecraft world.

"like... to visit you?" you asked, feeling excited by the invitation.

"well- i mean- if you want," he tried to sound nonchalant, but his stammering gave it away.

"if you really want me to... im sure the viewers would really like that, too..."

when he goes to pick you up from the airport, dream comes with him. and the entire drive there, he's considering hugging you or just shaking your hand.

"do i hug her?"

"yeah, if you think you're that close now."

"i dont know if she thinks so."

"I'll hug her first, and then you hug her?"

"what if i just shake her hand?"

the silence that fell over them was sickening. dream turned to sap slowly and laughed.

"dont fucking do that, dude."

and he hugged you after dream did. it was warm, and it gave you both such intense butterflies. it was a hug that you also never really thought would happen. you thought back to the first time you met im person when you refused to even look at him, let alone stand next to him.

dream thought it was adorable, seeing you guys laugh on the way back to their house. he happily sat in the backseat and let you two interact.

he took a picture of your backlit figures in the front seat, neither of your features visible. he thinks about not posting it for half a second before he puts it up on snapchat with "👀👀" as the caption.

everyone slowly lost their minds trying to figure out who they were looking at. most people assumed it was you with sap. he's not hard to miss. but it was even more shocking that you'd be there. so others assumed it was his secret girlfriend.

you two honestly didn't mind that dream posted the picture. it was fun when you two posted a dumb video announcing that you were in florida. it started with small subtle hints.

the first video started with you laying on their couch and patches laying on your chest.

"she's purring!" you coo softly, feeling your heart meltm

then it was of you talking about absolutely nothing while you walked around the parts of the house people had seen before.

"british people are so weird, you know? like, i was talking to one today. and he was just shitting on americans. but he lives here. so i obviously had to fist fight him. i won, obviously. and stole his sock to give to a house elf."

the last video was of sapnap finding you in his office, using his pc to play snake.

"i think george is in my office again," he said from behind the camera. he opened the door and stopped in his tracks when he saw you with a concentrated look on your face. "HEY!" the video cut with you looking up in pure fear.

all of those videos were posted to your account hours apart from each other, and your views felt like it was a slow coordinated attack to make them slowly go insane. with the first video, people were sure if it was patches. the second video made them believe it more so and they started going crazy. then the last video was the icing on the cake. it was filmed on your phone and posted to your accounts.

then, you had to stream together. and that was the definition of chaos.

"yn, move over."

"no?"

"youre sleeping outside then."

"what the fuck-"

'what's one thing you guys like about each other?' a donation read out.

you two sat there for a second, thinking. "hes..." you grimaced, trying to think of something

"she... is funny?" he said painfully.

"wait, i am funny," you said defensively.

"its pure crickets when you speak."

"okay-"

"wait, im you now," you said, laughing as you put on his headphones.

"you look nothing like me," he said, deadpanned.

"oh wait," you took them off again and ran out of the room. sap sat there completely confused before you came back in wearing his beige killua hoodie. then you put the headphones back on.

"you still dont-"

"what the fuck is this music?" you ask in complete horror from the sound coming from his headphones.

"is there something playing?" he asked, clicking his mouse around to find his spotify window.

"oh my god, is this cbat?"

"no, shut the fuck up, sage"

'i thought your name was actually sage?'

you both sat there in silence before laughing loudly.

"no he was just an ass."

"and you were just a bitch."

all you have to know is that a lot of edits and ship content came from that stream. and the future streams you did with the other two. and people loved that you were hanging out with the dream team now.

the longer you spent time together in person, the more you just wanted to be around each other he remembered being afraid to hug you, but now you were sitting next to each other on the couch watching movies alone.

it was a strange dynamic neither of you chose to acknowledge purely out of fear. but then it was hard not want to cuddle during movies or occasionally hold hands if you're walking together. so sap works up the courage to finally do something about it.

you're both once again, sitting in his room, on his bed, watching some random movie you found on hulu. you're resting your head on his shoulder, only really paying attention to how he's so close to you.

you look over when he sighs heavily. he looks down at you and, without thinking, leans down to kiss you. you sigh softly, feeling your heart soar. your reaction is almost immediate, and it gives sap the incentive to keep going.

when you pull away, you're looking at eachother with droopy eyes. your heavy breath hitting eachothers faces.

"i really like you, yn" he whispers quietly between breaths, looking down at your lips briefly.

you smirk, trying to catch your breath as well. "really?" you say before you lean back in, placing your lips on his.

i feel like there wasn't enough building onto them liking each other, but whatever. -nony

[musubiki]

I forgot if you talked abt this, but does the whole "being on the same level as mochi" thing ever come up in honest conversation between them? Seems like an entire...thing that really influences lime's choices when it comes to the main conflict. I would think either some time after mochi's over her initial jealousy, or heck wayyy after they stop the witch king

oooo youre right i dont think ive talked much about it or at all.,... but YEAH a very key part of limes character is his need to be on the same level as her...partly a pride thing, partly a "i dont feel like i have the right to stand beside her unless i can compete with her" thing

(sorry for the long post rambles, apparently i have a lot more thoughts on this than i thought it did)

but actually this comes up WAY sooner, its WAY too big of an elephant in the room post-timeskip to go un-talked about. pre-timeskip lime could kind of quietly work away at trying to be better, but post-timeskip the m-34th thing is too obvious of a flag for mochi to think everything is okay with him

i think the issues really starts to be hashed out when mochi, at some point (relatively quickly after they reunite), brings up the notion of him quitting the m-34th. to an extent she understood why he joined, he gave her a bunch of reasons why he joined the regiment in the first place (jumping around a bunch of excuses like "They have good benefits" / "I was bored" / etc before finally telling her the truth that "I wanted to find you"), but what she didnt understand is why he stays in

she gave it a bit of time, they went through the whole "well you left me" vs "you joined the organization that exists to kill us" -> "call it even, water under the bridge" thing, and she thought that after a few weeks (months?) he would quit and just be part of her guild again, but he doesnt.

and when she asks him about it, he dodges the question, gives shit answers, dismisses it, a bunch of different things with the underlying message being "I'm not leaving you, but I'm not gonna quit working for them."

and she doesnt want to give him the "choose me or them" ultimatum either (even though pom seems all for it), because 1.) it feels like a shitty thing to do to him, if hes fighting this hard to stay in she doesnt want him to be unhappy, and 2.) shes afraid he might actually choose them

she starts to think a lot of things, that maybe he harbors some bitterness towards her, maybe he doesnt want to put all his eggs in one basket, maybe hes secretly feeding them information on her behind her back, ALL kinds of things.

eventually (and upsettingly) she gets the truth from clarinette. it takes fucking clarinette babbling her mouth away for mochi to get something that she hasnt gotten from lime himself. clarinette (in her delulu) wants to brag a little in the vein of "Haha he confided in me and not in you haha," and mentioned that when she asked him why he stays, he told her "The m-34th makes me stronger" or something along those lines.

and mochis first thought is "I can make him stronger too, he doesnt need to go to them."

and when she CONFRONTS him and tells him this, he gives her a flat "No, you can't." and it FEELS very cold when he says it. she can see the bitterness (bitterness???) behind his eyes when he says it. and its not a bitterness TOWARDS HER, its more of a "I spent 2 years before you left trying everything I could to make myself worthy of you this, and it did nothing. I would take 1 step forward and you would take 5. I'm not going back to that."

so this confrontation became one of those make it or break it conversations for lime, because his only two options were 1) tell mochi the actually pretty embarrassing and pathetic truth, or 2) risk losing her because shes already doubting him enough as it is

i think he probably tries route 2 first though. and whatever it is he tells her, he can see something in her eyes (mistrust? failing faith? fear?) which tells him "Oh no, oh shit, oh god, backtrack you idiot, BACKTRACK!!!" because if he lets this narrative go on for even a few minutes more, hes not going to be able to come back from it.

so he eventually actually does tell her the truth!! and he hates doing it. he really does feel pathetic. its so petty and stupid, he thinks. he shouldnt be trying to compete with the cat witch, hes supposed to be supportive. but he fucking hates being ONLY supportive. he wants to add something, contribute something meaningful, not just be a little accessory/sidekick to mochi.

and (as already mentioned) he cant do that without the m-34th. pre-timeskip he felt useless. and relative to mochi, he was. she wont say it, but she didnt need him. she would reassure him and tell him "You're amazing Lime!" but deep down she knew that after Amanita was dealt with and she was the full-fledged cat witch, she could do all of it on her own (and proves it when she leaves and takes none of them with her). she liked having him there (obviously), but anything he could do she could do better.

he felt like he just took up space, and when she left without telling him or taking him with her, it essentially proved his point. it was not even just a "I dont need you" thing anymore, it was now a "I don't need you, and I also know you don't have the means or ability to change that" and that fucking HURT.

the m-34th though....those guys really honed the shit out of his strengths. on an insane level. they gave him so many skills and tools as a black canvas to do SO MANY THINGS and SO WELL, and maybe this does bring up some resentment to the guild and magic?? that he had so much untapped potential that mochi could just not bring out in an effective way, it essentially bottlenecked him (not her fault, its hard to build the talents of an anti-magic person by using magic).

but these guys...as "bad" as they are (so the witches say), they gave him (and still give him) the power to change that which he hated about himself the most. so that "I don't need you, and I also know you don't have the means or ability to change that" thing can finally FINALLY be met with "Yeah you do, and yeah I fucking can."

so all these feelings manifest as "I won't leave the m-34th because they make me strong enough to stand by your side and not at your feet." AND THEY DO!!!!!! and he probably doesnt say those words directly but everything he DOES say communicates it enough for mochi to see it

(and he probably tells her all of this. she just listens)

so mochi, eventually, understands this. it took the whole pre-timeskip period and some of the post-timeskip period to get there, but she understands him a little more now (and a side of him she didnt know was there). i dont think theres anything she can do to change this aspect of him, but she at least understands his reasons and respects his freedom to pursue that which gives him peace, even if it conflicts with her uh.....occupation (nature?) as a witch. she also can tell him, without any lies or nice little reassurances that "You really are amazing, Lime." in a way she could never be, and he got there on his own, without her. i think shes happy just to know the truth, and know that hes not like betraying her or something. also she probably finds it kinda sweet that he works so hard to stand by her, but tries not to let it go to her head (or her heart) because at least half of it is a lime pride thing and not a mochi love thing

he also throws in a very lime-esq ending on it like "There I said it happy now??? Never make me talk about this again." while completely red-faced. he really does hate this side of himself but he cant help it.

[dilfsaresohot]

tous le mêmes

james potter x deatheater!black!f!reader

warnings: language, angst, they just wont listen to each other (stupid mfs) lmk if i missed any

english is not my first language

constructive criticism is appreciated

summary: sometimes keeping the truth to yourself can save your tears.

word count: 1,1k

a/n: this is my first fanfic ever so i hope i didnt fuk up too bad lmao, possibly part two (??)

✁

“…and then siriu- are you even listening to me?”your boyfriend was rambling about his day for about fifteen minutes and you weren’t listening. you couldn’t. not when you were keeping such a awful secret from him. your conscience and heart were telling you to let him know as soon as possible and let him decide. but then the thought of his reaction, his heartbroken expression, the grief in his eyes, soreness painted all over his handsome face and stinging pain he would’ve felt was enough for you to know what was going to happen.

“merlin, stop being such a baby, i don’t give a shit about your stupid pranks. shut up already and go bother someone else.” you snapped.

if you didn’t want him to love a monster, you had to make him hate you.

“w-what?” he wasn’t sure if he heard you right. why were you so mean? did he do something? or maybe you were right? he should stop telling you every smallest detail about his life.

“you heard me. leave me alone i’m sick of this. i’m sick of you.”

judging by his expression he wasn’t going anywhere due to the shock he felt, so you decided to be the one who leaves.

✁

“have you told him about it already?” your brother, regulus, asked. both of you had to give up your dreams and live up to your parents expectations. you could not do anything against their will, because of the consequences that you would have to deal with. why weren’t you more like your other brother, sirius? why couldn’t you be rebellious just like him? you were a coward.

there’s really no way of winning, if in your own eyes, you don’t deserve it.

“no.”

“well, are you going to do that?”

“do i even have a choice?” you asked, even though you already knew the answer. “you know what?” you were met with his questioning face. “i’ll tell him right now.”

he couldn’t say anything else as he was met with black smoke and you were gone.

✁

teleporting to prefects bathroom you sent your animagus, which represented a black cat, to james with a message saying meet me in our bathroom.

soon after you were met with a sound of running footsteps from behind the door. when james barged in, all of your confidence was gone. but it was not you who was important. it was him and his safety.

after a few moments in silence you decided to do what you had to do. “i have to show you something, but please, let me explain before you judge me. ” to say he was confused was a understatement. maybe, just maybe, in the back of his head he knew what was going to happen. but right now he didn’t really think about it.

“love, i could never judge or hate you, just please, show me. i’ll understand.” oh how wrong he was you thought.

pulling up your left sleeve, an ugly, dark mark was visible. you turned your head to the side, because you knew you wouldn’t be able to stand a look on your lover’s face. when he didn’t say anything, you dared to look at him. and it was a mistake. the way he looked at your arm was so hurtful to both of you that you couldn’t stand the tension in the room anymore.

“i-i didn’t want i-“ you were cut off by his words.

“no, no, you didn’t. y-you couldn’t, you wouldn’t be abl- oh merlin, why? why y/n?”

“james, let me explain, please! i never wanted it. i’m sorry for the way i was treating you lately. i just- i thought that if i was going to make you hate me, it would be easier, i-“

“there’s no need to.”

“w-what do you mean?” you asked, trying to stay calm but your own body betrayed you.

“because i already do. ”

his words cut like a knife. you could literally hear your blood running in your ears. james’ cold expression sending shivers down your spine.

“you don’t mean that. i can help us! can’t you see what i’m doing? what am i sacrificing? for you! just so you can be happy! i’m doi-“

“can’t you see what you’re doing to me?” the way his voice broke was your last straw. you vanished just like a coward. the coward, the snake you truly were.

✁

“that’s not fair! that’s not…not fair…” quiet sobs were heard from the prefects bathroom when sirius passed by the door. he was walking around the hallways, searching for his best friend. worried for him, he gently knocked on the door.

“prongs…hey, are you there? you okay?” the eldest black brother asked worried. he has never seen james in such state, he wasn’t the type of person to be open with his negative feelings.

the sobs quieted and water splashing on the cold sink was heard. now, sirius was siriusly worried. what had to happen to make james so miserable? he was always the sun in their friend group. whenever someone was in a bad mood, james was always first one to be there for them and lighten up their mood. so sirius was going to be a james for james.

“alright, i’m coming in!”

“they are all the same.”

“what the hell happened?”

✁

you were sitting on the astronomy tower, feet hanging over the barrier, cigarette in your right hand. there wasn’t anything going through your mind right now. your head was totally empty, you just couldn’t bring yourself to think about anything else than…exactly. every time you wanted to keep your mind busy, it lead to thinking about the mess in your life. you were only sixteen. how come your life was so bad already? what did you do to deserve it? you had no idea. everything went downhill so quic-

“y/n? y/n/n is that you?” you heard a familiar a voice followed by footsteps from behind your back. “hey, is that you? did you tell jam- whoa, what happened?” he asked even though he already knew what was going on.

you smiled, but your smile wasn’t the happy one. “well, long story short, everything is fucked up. but y’know what? i can’t blame him. i mean- i wouldn’t react any better, if i found out that my boyfriend is on the opposite side of the war.” regulus sat right next to you and put his hand on your shoulder in reassurance.

“oh y/n/n, i’m so sorry.”

“it’s not your fault”

“i know, but i still am.”

the siblings sat in silence, watching the stars and chasing answers to their questions, that were never to be answered.

✁

[seaweedbraens]

11!!! vani you’re so close, only 80k words to go

what led you to choosing jason’s story? you obviously planned for him to die from the beginning but what was the process of figuring out how to make it happen and justifying it?

dont even joke abt 80k ill do it sgdjdkejehekken

re: jason - i knew i wanted to kill him because he dies in canon, and i actually dont hate that he dies in canon, i just hate that it was done in a series that wasnt his own. i actually quite like the whole idea of jason choosing to sacrifice himself over piper with her not even knowing shit about it - the books made it even more heartbreaking because theyre broken up, but i didnt want to do that, so i made him just hide it vehemently instead.

another reason he had to die was because in my fic, he is older than percy by about a month, and i really wanted to drive it home that all the children of the big three who were older than percy and died (jason, thalia, bianca) did so because they were IN THE WAY. theres no nice way to put it. percy was the child/hero of the prophecy, and them being alive just fucked shit up timeline-wise and confused everything. jason figures this out pretty quick, though. it's a slim comfort to him, knowing that even though he wont be around, percy will survive. that's why he entrusts him, out of everyone, to take care of piper.

my process in stretching this out just came from outlining this fic to hell and back. it made sense to have his nemesis be krios, since jason does kill him in canon. i knew he wouldnt make it to the final battle, and logically his death would serve has a good place to leave off ch4. that meant he had to leave by the end of ch3 and find out about his fate by ch1/2 (i chose 1). this would give him more than enough time to come up with a plan and come to terms with his fate.

i wanted to make jason's arc about the slow acceptance of death. i had an aunt who battled cancer for a long, long time, and i watched her cycle slowly through each worsening stage with a grim acceptance. in her last years, though, she told me she was choosing to live life and she was using her time to appreciate what she had. i visited her days before she passed and while she put on a brave face in front of me, she confessed to my mom that she was scared, and i wondered for a long time how long she spent hiding her pain from others just to save us from sharing hers.

jason's journey is largely inspired by my aunt. he knows death is looming over him, but he chooses to hide his own anxiety in favor of allowing his friends to be happy. the only time he shows his fear is as he dies in piper's arms, when he has nothing to lose by hiding it anymore.

piper was his greatest source of joy and he knows she has the capability to love again, but if she died, he knows he would never be able to. and yes! it's a selfish choice, as piper tells him, but one he believed was necessary.

through the course of wcwsthwas, jason learns he's lived a good life. he found his family and found love and true friendship. he wouldnt give them up for the world - so he chose to give himself up instead.

IDK IF I ANSWERED YOUR QUESTION I JUST RAMBLED AYSGSICYSIVYAGIV SORRY BUT TY FOR ANOTHER GOOD ONE!!!

[an-theduckin]

can you ramble about the present head man episode?

OH MY GOD YES YES YES OFC THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR ASKING ME THIS I LOVE U I AM GONNA MAKE COOKIES FOR YOU.

So the episode starts off with letting us know that Argos takes pride in his job as the welcoming committee, let's put a pin on this info cuz I'll come back to this later.

So the thing I found weird about that episode was why Argos didnt think of the possibility that the presents head might just be the present and isn't inside a present. Like literally everyone else in the void has like an object head, so why didn't that thought even cross his mind? Maybe because present guy didn't have any facial features? But I'm pretty sure there's other void members who don't have facial features too.

As the episode goes on we see him gets more and more curious about it, even though he knew that it wasn't his business ("I know, its none of my business!" Said by Argos to Mr plant) he becomes more desperate to see what's inside, that becomes everything he ever thinks about. He couldn't even get his mind off that while babysitting. And then he snapped, and finally went there. I don't think he even spend time going back home and stuff, I think he went there directly from his babysitting job, cuz he hit him with an abc book (probably got it for babysitting the kids) to knock him out.

We can see that he was self aware and apologetic, but he just couldn't help the curiosity that was growing more and more. This can be seen in the quote "I know, its none of my business!" Said by him to Mr plant, and can also see this because he said "I'm sorry about this" to the present guy before hitting him. He knows that he wasn't doing the right thing, he knows he shouldn't do this. But he can't help himself, he was getting desperate for answers.

I REALLY REALLY LOVE HOW ASHUR PORTRAYS HIS GUILT IN HIS FACE LIKE AHHH THAT PART IS SOOO SATISFYING. IM A DRAMA STUDENT AND THAT IS JUST FANTASTIC ACTING I WISH I COULD STEAL HIS ACTING SKILLS. I LOVE THE WAY HIS HANDS SLIGHTLY SHAKES WHEN HE FOUND OUT THAT IT WASNT A MASK AND HE JUST KILLED AN INNOCENT MAN. NOT JUST ANY MEN, GOING BACK TO THE POINT WE MADE AT THE BEGINNING, HE KILLED THE MAN HE WAS SUPPOSED TO HELP. HE TOOK PRIDE IN THIS JOB, BUT BECAUSE OF THAT JOB HE NOW HAS BLOOD ON HIS HANDS. LIKE UGHHH I REALLY REALLY LOVE THIS EPISODE.

Also also I find it interesting how when Argos imagines of what might be inside the present, he thinks "a telephone, an old boot, a smile". Like why would he think of objects (and a concept) if the reason he's so curious is cuz his head is a present, which is an object? Also I feel like the objects might be symbolic of smth and I'm not really sure what but I'm gonna go full ramble mode and just pull out bullshit outta my ass now.

Telephones represent communication, this could be reflective on the fact that Mr present died because they didn't communicate (he didn't answer argos's question when he asked why there's a present on his head). If he had told him that his head isn't inside the present and it is the present, he probably wouldn't have died. So lack of communication is a factor in his death.

An 'old boot' is a slang for "an ugly or disliked women". Ignoring the women and disliked part, being 'ugly' kinda contributed into his death as well? Cuz Argos couldn't realise that this was just how he looked like, and thought he looked like something else (that is inside the present). Also, boots can symbolize being natural or earthy. This reflects on why Mr present died, because Argos didn't think that having a present as a head was natural. So this is also a factor in his death.

A smile. The last two things were objects, but this one is a concept. It obviously represents happiness and joy, maybe this could show how Argos thought he'd be more satisfied and happy if he knew what Mr present was hiding inside his present. So this is also a factor for his death.

I HOPE THAT MADE SENSE LMAO IM NOT EXACTLY GOOD AT EXPLAINING. ALSO ALSO I REALLY LOVE HOW MR PLANT HELPED CLEAN UP THE MESS ITS JUST SO RELATIONSHIP GOALS I LOVE THEM

ANDDDDDDD THATS ALL!! THANK U AGAIN FOR ASKING THIS LIKE IM SOOOOOO GLAD I GET TO RAMBLE ABOUT IT IVE BEEN HAVING BRAINROT ABOUT THIS EPISODE FOR A WHILE NOW I JUST NEEDED SOMEONE TO ASK ME ABT IT SO I CAN ALLOW MYSELF TO TALK ABOUY IT LOL. THIS WAS SO FUN TO RAMBLE, I HOPE I MADE ANY SENSE AT ALL!! :DD

[vampykween]

HI MICCC :3 hope you are well!! i’ve been brainrotting about ur singledad!simon and here’s a list of scenarios nd thoughts that’s been plaguing my mind

what if poppy got into a fight at school? the fight was short because you pulled them apart almost instantly - but she still got her hair pulled and a scratch on her cheek, and poppy knows from simon that fighting isn’t the best option, but when simon answers your call and hears poppy’s crying in the background, how would he react!!

the way kids like to overshare and have no filter, i can see poppy casually telling you stuff like “yeah my daddy has no friends” or “daddy doesn’t talk much”.. and then when simon comes to pick her up, maybe you two have a small convo and you accidentally slip up and mention what poppy’s told you about him.. then he looks and poppy and you like 🤨what else did you hear..

Oklfldldg how does simon do father daughter nights! is he the type to play competitively in games with her or does he always let her win? does he like taking her out to eat or does he prefer cooking at home :3

AAAA okay last one i promise:3 how do the other kids react to poppy’s behemoth of a dad? are they scared? do they think he’s a mafia boss of some sort? or do they find him incredibly awesome and think he’s a giant from those action movies

(ofc u don’t have to do all of them if u don’t want to OR if u don’t want to spoil anything for the series, just some thoughts! take ur time<3)

hi bby! i am very well right now actually and this made things even better, i could kiss your brain truly mwah <3

i will be saving these ideas because this gave me much needed inspiration and motivation for this series. also sorry if i didnt go as in depth with these, but the longer they sat in my drafts i realized i was never going to remember to finish oops! also i hope you dont mind i will be stealing the oversharing poppy idea if fits perfectly with what i have going for part 3 hehe

✴︎ I feel like simon would be fuming, at whom he’s not even sure. I imagine that some kid said something rude and snarky to her and she couldn’t take it anymore and popped on them, and you’re shocked because poppy is normally such a sweet little girl. Simon would definitely hug poppy close because seeing his baby hurt cuts like a knife, takes her out for ice cream and then chides her because omg! has she lost her mind fighting at school, but also he’s a tiny bit proud she’s a fighter like him. 

✴︎No because Poppy would most definitely do this, in her head she’s just rattling off mundane things about her father, but you’re sporting a frown because there’s a tiny part of you that hates the idea of Simon being alone with just poppy. Not that it’s any of your business though (you would definitely have to remind yourself of that).

Simon is groaning at his daughter’s perceptive nature and how willing she is to share every thought she has. When you waved him over to where you were during school pick up, Simon was praying something bad hadn't happened.  “Mr. Riley, err Simon, sorry.” you correct yourself quickly at the raised eyebrow look he gives you. “Is everything okay… like at home?” you’re mentally face palming at the way you blurted out the very intrusive question. You sense his shock by the question by the almost imperceptible widening of his eyes. “Why-” he looks down at Poppy who’s swinging her tiny hand in his, not paying any attention to the conversation you two are having, “What did she say to you?” You wring your hands nervously, the older man’s deadpan stare makes  you feel like you’re in trouble for some reason. “Poppy mentioned to me that you don't have any friends or talk much to anybody. I don't mean to pry, really I swear. Kids will tell you anything, i'm sure you know. After what happened with the family tree thing and-” You're cut off by Simon’s large hand settling on your shoulder, clearly an attempt to calm you down and halt your rambling, but it has the opposite effect and all you can think about is how enormous his hands are and the weight of it grasping you.  “No need to apologize, Poppy talks my ear off about you. I’d be surprised if she didn’t talk to you about things. And you don't need to worry about me, luv. Im fine being alone, i've got my little petal and that’s enough f’me.” There’s an aura of wistfulness in his words, that makes you want to push him for a more truthful answer, but you chide yourself at your thoughts. You barely know this man. Whatever longing you think is in his voice may as well be a projection of your own sadness; a failed long term relationship will do that to a person. 

✴︎Definitely loves to play games but does not let Poppy win because he wants her to learn how to lose and be okay with it. (You would applaud this btw, this is every teachers’ dream. Trust me on that). Their father-daughter nights also will be movie nights with as many sweets as poppy desires because Simon won't bend to anything but her little puppy dog eyes. I feel like even though he’s not the best cook ever Simon would go out of his way to cook Poppy’s favorites for her. Especially like on a saturday morning and wakes her up with breakfast in bed because why not spoil his little girl if he can. 

✴︎I think it's a mix of both really. I imagine Poppy goes to some nice fancy school because why not lol. And some of Poppy's classmates have snooty rich parents who turn their noses up at Simon so their kids are kinda wary of him too. I think Poppy would hype up her dad so much at recess time. Telling stories of how he used to be a ‘super cool soldier’ and all the other kids would be staring in awe like omg your dad is so cool, my dad just does people’s taxes lol.

[b1adie]

Hi there Adri, I hope you have a good day!

So I saw that total cutie Blade on tiktok and looked up his lore on Wikipedia but it's completely confusing to me, I know basics of hsr lore like mara or aeons cause my roommate rambles about it 24/7 but I don't play this game yet and roommate doesn't care about Blade so they ignore all his voicelines etc...

Came to tumblr to find out more and I saw your blog in tag + in your faq you stated you don't mind lore questions...

So please ignore it if you don't want to answear but could you explain to me Blade's lore more or less?

I'm so sorry if I came out as pushy, I know it's probably a complicated lore and a lot to write about but even watching cutscenes on yt didn't make anything clearer while I feel like this guy could make me play hsr... Sorry for anon, I'm a bit shy.

no prob, i’ll try and explain his story as simply as possible!! and.. add a tldr cuz i know im gonna yap

im sorry the tldr got long too. here.

TLDR was TL, DR: craftsman/blacksmith human named yingxing that became cursed with immortality while participating in a fucked up resurrection ritual for one of his friends. was killed thousands of times til he became mara struck and forgot his past human life. got picked up by the stellaron hunters cuz their leader apparently knows a way to permanently kill him and he wants to die so bad. he didnt know his name but he has a cool sword so they call him bladie. he’s old and he apparently has a valid drivers license and obeys traffic laws but he cant play video games because he keeps stabbing himself in the hand.

iffff you have any further questions you can ask ^_^

TLDR; he was. regular human who was taken to the xianzhou as a child after abominations of abundance destroyed his home world. he picked the name yingxing there. he grew up to be a master craftsman and was incredibly skilled and confident, even considered arrogant. since he was a short life species on a ship of people who would live like 700 years longer than him on avg, they found him lame and annoying, but he was better than all of them at making shit so they had to give him the title of Furnace Master cuz he won it. then at some point he became a member of the high cloud quintet, made up of him and 4 friends (jing yuan, jingliu, dan heng’s past incarnation dan feng, and a foxian girl named baiheng). they fought abominations together and were considered legendary and told about in stories. but, baiheng was killed in battle, and dan feng wanted to revive her. he asked yingxing to help him. the revival went wrong and turned baiheng’s remains into a fucked up beast and also cursed yingxing with immortality. jingliu had to put the baiheng monster down, but she loved baiheng so much and having to be the one to kill her mutated corpse like this drove her to become mara struck. she killed yingxing with the sword he made for her, and then again, and again, killing him thousands of times, until he too became mara struck and forgot his life as yingxing entirely. then the stellaron hunters found his miserable ass in the woods somewhwre and said hey grandpa come with us and we’ll kill you for good. and he was like damn okay if you promise. he didnt know his own name and said he would be more use to them as a weapon than a Person, so kafka started calling him bladie and he didnt object so now he’s called blade. he doesn’t think of that as his name though, he still refers to himself as “the unnamed.” but like, he’ll answer to it out of convenience i guess.

OKAY NOT SHORTENED VERSON.

he was born a regular human on a planet that was soon taken over by the borisin (basically immortal space wolves that brutally kill humans). he was the only survivor of his family and sitll a child. he was taken to the xianzhou zhuming and taken under the wing of their arbiter general, huaiyan. (so like, basically the jing yuan of that ship). he took on the name Yingxing there. he became an apprentice craftsman because the xianzhou is very well known for its forging and craftsmanship. he was always generally overlooked or sneered at due to being a short-life species, which of course meant he could never accomplish as much as any of the long-lived xianzhou people. he was wildly ambitious, though, often described as proud and arrogant, mentioned to have stayed awake for days at a time engrossed in his work. xianzhou natives attempted to sabotage his work by deliberately giving him defective or poor-quality material, but it never held him back. despite all the adversity, he became the Furnace Master, the highest title a craftsman can hold on a xianzhou ship.

when he was still a young kid, he’d met a foxian girl named baiheng. they met again some years later, along with jingliu, the champion swordmaster on the luofu, jing yuan, a young cloud knight and her apprentice, and dan feng, the high elder of the luofu vidyadhada. they all hit it off and became very close friends. yingxing forged special weapons for each of them, and the five fought against the abominations of abundance. they became known as the high cloud quintet.

they had a great time for many years, but the rest of them were all going to outlive him by centuries. they Should have, at least. baiheng was killed in battle, having done so protecting them in some way (distracting the enemy or interrupting them i believe?). dan feng decided they should take her remains along with some cursed abundance flesh and try to resurrect her. he convinced yingxing to join him in his wacky little plan. yingxing was like 70 by then hauling his old ass to go do some scary ritual.

they tried to resurrect her and did bad. instead of baiheng, they created a cursed dragon beast that started wreaking havoc and killing people. jingliu arrived in time to put the beast down. but. she was very, very close with baiheng. like obviously its not outright spoken canon, but they were basically married. so killing the mutated beast made from her wife’s corpse caused her to become mara struck. she killed yingxing as he stood in front of dan feng.

but! due to him fucking with that cursed abundance flesh during the resurrection, he came back to life. (and also got like 40 years younger apparently). jingliu took him with her somewhere and used the sword he made for her to kill him thousands of times, until he too became mara struck and forgot all memories of his life as yingxing.

then she kind of just dumped him in the wilderness somewhere or he escaped and went to the wilderness somewhere. he didnt know his name or anything, just that every part of him was constantly in agonizing pain and he could not die, despite badly wanting to die so the pain would end.

one day while he was out there, kafka and samfly showed up and tried to get him to join the stellaron hunters. he was mara stricken and batshit crazy thought so kafka had to shoot him to death and have samfly hold him down while she used her ability to calm his mara. she told him their leader knew a way to kill him permanently, and would help him reach this goal if he joined them. and he was like oh well in that case sure. she asked him his name, and he said he didn’t have one. (even in his internal monologue, he only ever refers to himself as ‘the unnamed.’) he told her he was more of a weapon than a person, so she was like. ummm.. okay. i’m calling you bladie. and he just let her do that and now everyone calls him blade

[etherealspacejelly]

ERM

ok so

anonymous bc no way am i showing my url on this Jhshsheheh

so like all my friends at school. they seem. so much more mature than i am???

like even the ones who are younger than me. they're already thinking about partners. and dating n stuff. like some of my friends already have partners

but i. just am not interested in that rn??? and sometimes i feel like there's. something Wrong with me. yk

like im year 9 but. i feel like i should be thinking about this and it feels like im not mature enough that i don't want to worry abt that now

- 🐉

there is nothing wrong with you. listen to me. there is absolutely Nothing wrong with you.

it is perfectly normal to not be interested in romantic relationships, i wasnt at your age and im still not. i am in a platonic relationship with my best friend, mostly because it comforts us both to know that no matter what happens we will not be alone. even if all of our other friends get into romantic relationships and prioritise them over friendships

desiring a romantic partner does not make you more mature than anyone else. having a romantic partner or a partner of any kind is not a requirement for happiness, fulfilment, or maturity.

focus on what You actually want. ask yourself what would make You happy, what would make you feel fulfilled and satisfied with your life. set aside these notions of what we are Supposed to want, of what it is ""Normal"" to want, and focus your attention on yourself. this is your life, and you owe it to yourself to follow your own path.

i think it would help you to research aspec identities, especially aromantic ones, and talk to aromantic people about their experiences. you might not be aromantic! alloromantic people can still have no desire to be in romantic relationships, and that is perfectly fine and normal. and likewise aromantic and arospec people can want to be in romantic relationships despite their lack of romantic attraction. what i think researching this community will do for you is show you that romance is not the be all and end all of human beings. it is not a requirement for existing and being happy.

i think even progressive parents can fall into this trap of telling their kids "when you grow up and get a girlfriend or a boyfriend" or "when you get married to your spouse", and like, yea its great that they arent assuming you will be straight, but they are still placing the expectation on you to Want a romantic relationship and that you will have one no matter what. and that doesnt have to be the case!

your "happily ever after" does Not have to involve riding off into the sunset with your One True Love, it can in fact be a freezeframe of you and your best friends jumping into the air together and pulling silly faces!

idk this is. a long and rambling answer to what was a fairly simple question but. this ask hit me very close to home. i know how you feel. i felt Exactly the same way when i was your age. i felt wrong and broken and different and i didnt understand Why everyone was so excited about dating and kissing and relationships. so. im telling you what i wish someone would have told me.

take a deep breath. and let go. you dont need to have it all figured out Right Now. you can in fact just enjoy life as it happens! you dont have to know exactly what you want at this age. you can figure it out as you go. you have So Much Life ahead of you to learn and grow make mistakes and change your mind and figure things out and just. live.

the world wont end if you never want a romantic relationship. life will go on. you will find out what Really matters to you. and thats the beauty of being alive! please do not force yourself to do anything you dont Really want to do, just because thats what it feels like you're Supposed to do.

you are unique and beautiful and so so alive. you are doing just fine, and im so proud of you. you belong here.

you are loved.

[shiraishi--kanade]

(in reply to the aphantasia answer (it wouldnt fit in a comment and i do have one or two follow-ups if you dont mind)) (edit post-writing: this is such a long ask LMAO no pressure to answer all of it)

oh this is so interesting…. im a very visual person (to an unfortunate extent) so i think we’re opposites in regards to reading interests- i adore extensive metaphors and elaborate descriptions of actions/worldbuilding. it makes a lot of sense that to-the-point stuff works better for you though- also your explanations on the ‘mathematical’ approach were excellently written, thank you :)

since you said you mostly rely on aural senses when it comes to thought processes, do you think youre more of an auditory learner then? or is it just the case where it’s useful mostly for reading?

also,, because you have to rely so much on figuring out meaning and the ‘why’ and the purpose of descriptions, do you think you have a better or worse understanding of body language and what to look for as opposed to the ‘average’ person / how it would’ve been given you didnt have aphantasia? im mostly asking in the context of interpersonal interaction

also also please dont worry about rambling on for however long youd like (or even expressing/explaining things outside of the given question) unless it’s something you’re uncomfortable doing — learning about people like this is something i take a lot of genuine enjoyment from, so in a way this is a bit of a selfish act akdhajs

Interesting questions! Let's see what I can tell haha

1. I'm actually a little conflicted about the "learner styles" since, as far as I'm aware, it has been debunked as a myth a while ago. Now I'm not a psychologist, I just study it on a higher education level (as a part of my major), but regardless I don't think it works that way? I think we're confusing the ability to recall information (memory) and the actual process of understanding and applying information, because of how much our educational systems, as well as understanding of "education" in general, has been built on reproduction of the the information instead of applying or analysing it. While the ability to recall, I think, might vary by person to person basis, the actual process of learning seems to be more or less uniform. In the latter sense I am like a majority of people, and am best learning through application of skill. But if we're talking about which type of memory (= therefore remembering information) works best for me, then yeah, probably auditory with tactile as a close second. With that said I never found it particularly helpful with studying, only that in my observation if the information is solely presented in visual way (e.g graphs and stuff) then it often will go over my head completely. I think aphantasia is definitely more hindering than anything when it comes to learning, I haven't noticed any particular benefits? But eh, might be different for different people!

2. In interpersonal interaction? Absolutely worse, but I don't think it's because aphantasia necessarily as much as due to the fact that I have ✨autism✨ (which I think might likely be misdiagnosed adhd or audhd neurotype. And I'm also not diagnosed officially. I was 6 when my mom was told I "probably" had Asperger's and that's it pretty much. But hey I'll take it as a credible evidence). Although the two might be linked.

Back to the point, I just really suck at being a person in general because of it. I have no idea what it's like to not be neurodivergent so I can't say with confidence if I would be better or worse off with interpreting body language/facial expressions if I only had aphantasia, unfortunately.

Those are a very non-answer answers. Sorry. (⁠๑⁠•⁠﹏⁠•⁠)

[cerealmonster15]

🧃🍦🌸🌸🌸

🧃 ⇢ share some personal lore you never posted about before

HMM. tbh i feel like i say a lot about my personal self here LOL for people that read my tag rambles what i can i say that u dont already know... i feel like the only stuff i omit is like, to keep my identity a SECRET lol ummm.

ok i literally couldnt think of anything JSDKLFJDSKLFJSDKLJ. ask me a question if u want maybe ill share LOL

🍦 ⇢ name three good things about a character you hate

H. HEY. HEY. i dont wanna LOL JKFLDJKFLDS truth be told i dont actually HATE hate many characters. it's usually only ones that are like. token creep characters or REALLY super nasty and i dont WANNA talk about those so im gonna CHEAT and just do what i suspect im baited into doing and talk about a character i. hmm. Used To Strongly Dislike. i was a hater but i dont know that i ever really FULLY hated him. but i def disliked him for a while at first lol

and in terms of twst there are at least four characters this could be describing but i have to do leona bc ive had the most character development with my feelings about him kljsdklfjdsklfjklsdj

he really is so smart and perceptive. it's super interesting when i go back and reread stories and how he's shown to either directly or maybe heavily implied to know/suspect something that's going on far before most of the other characters do. he doesnt always. say anything about it to people 🧍 JKFLSDJFKLDS but it IS cool how you can see he's like, paying attention. he's got experience!

it's kinda sweet when he actually does, sometimes, show his care for the younger students. like in rook's lab coat story when epel accidentally bumps into him, and the npc talking to rook is like OH GOD!!! but rooks like nono, it's okay, leona knows not to just pick a fight with a random student for no reason. <- me calling it sweet when leona doesnt bitch at someone i guess LOL but!!! jfkdsjflds it is. and then in book 6 at the start when everyones getting ROBOT KIDNAPPED, this goes hand in hand with my first point - leona recognized the charon soldiers, clocked that they were dangerous, fighting was futile and risky, and just surrendered himself and told ruggie to not start a fight and to just look after the dorm while he was gone, if he ever came back. i was sooooo grumpy at that scene for so long bc of how COOL he was and i did not like admitting leona was being cool ever LOL JFKLSJDFKLDSJLJ but he was 😔 ive come to terms with it. AND in the jpn server's halloween event playful land, [mild beginning of event spoilers to anyone reading this i guess lol] the fact that he showed up late at night to bring everyone back so they wouldnt get in themselves trouble.... like he SAID it's bc he just didnt wanna get blamed for it later, but like, iirc he aimed his lecture at the ENTIRE GROUP, not just jack who he's dorm responsible for. he showed up early morning/middle of the night to do it too, when hes the king of I Love Sleeping. he probably coulda sent ruggie to do it but it was his turn to be in the event so he came and did it himself;;; dskfjdlsjfk listen i think leona is pretty straightforward and a bitch but i do think he still has some sense of care for people even though he'd rather die than admit it KFJSDKLFJSELJ

this might be cheating but i listed like three separate examples in the prev point so whatever. he's funny when he fights with vil and malleus JKLFJDSKLFJDSLFJ and i like when characters bitch at each other for comedic purposes. that is a positive point in my book i like LAUGHING at my SCREEN

i love when im asked a simple question and use ten thousand words to answer lol

🌸 ⇢ do you have any pets? if you do, post some pictures of them

DOES THAT MEAN THREE IMAGES

[WAHOO!!]

[cathalbravecog]

Man... I can't stop thinking about the things that were talked about on the stream, especially the answer on my question - so... get ready for a ramble! its a long one. oops. i dont even know where im going with this, im just dumping my thoughts somewhere. half is about ttcc lore in general and the streams, the other half is about cathal and me projecting onto him deeper.

before i even hop deeper into this, it wasn't until early today that i learned that there was a whole drama about cranky's answers (regarding the graham and flint question and the whole "keep it sane" thing. i thought it was...off, but i understood it as 'do what you want people, just don't start any harassment because of ships and your favorite pairs'.

definitely could have been phrased better, though. at least we got a good response and an apology later from maven on twitter. but i legit did not know this was a drama until those twitter posts were made LOL. i dont interact with the fandom so i do not know how that answer was percieved by most. or if anyone except for me and my friends have had any thoughts about the question i asked that got answered.)

and what im tryna get to is that i get cranky isnt the one to be answering lore things, and probably didnt know what to answer... but it's still something to think about

because being told "cogs and toons just dont become how they are out of the blue" (paraphrasing here) as an answer to what cathal initially thought of seeing his dad be bet up and thrown off a tower is... confusing? he did say first and foremost that it has to be built upon before saying that. i understand that this is... a lot of characters! and cathal did have some focus on him thanks to the comic and they wanted to focus on other managers... but some have deeper, more intricate lore that's easy to grasp (especially the more, well, angstier managers like chip and misty.)

and we have gotten some extra lore for other managers like belle, mary, tawny.... thanks to thomas' rambles.

and it's definitely difficult for a team of volounteers working hard on a fan game together to make lore for all the characters, that are still very young in their *life span*, having been around for less than a year. despite ttcc being more character driven and focused on the cogs, it's still a game they have to run so they cannot focus on lore only and some game management has to be done first. there's a bunch of things they have to consider, like consistency and how fans may react, or possible themes or what they want the story to be...

and. yeah. its hard since. come on lets admit it. clash has an issue with how these are all given to us. hell, there's lore bits i still dont know about and im still learning because it's..so all over the place. a new player will not know about it. maven acknowledged this in the tweet and i really appreciate that, as it's honestly been my number one issue with clash, especially as someone who is there for the lore. (i mean, and the gameplay, i know some people who don't play the game itself much. well i sure do a little TOO MUCH because i have PROBLEMS. but im interested in the lore, too, yknow?)

some lore you cant learn from the wiki, and unless you interact with the community, you may never learn *where* all of this even is. if you werent live for certain lore there, it's hardly accessible to you. lore locked behind one time events, an arg website, wikis, discord chats... all that. it's hard to keep track of! i'm sure it's like that for both the fans and the writers. these characters are great, fun, and i love them, but the way we are given this information is... not the best. it's very easy to miss certain details.

it's especially bad if you're like me - only ever interacting with a close group of people you trust, (because people are scary especially a lot of... lore driven fans. yeahnoimeanshippers.sorry.and just big crowds of people in general) having only gotten back into the game recently AFTER most of the major lore events (first played once in 2019, then never again until january 2023) and also you dislike youtube and video content, so you dont watch it. something in your brain would rather if you step on a nail than watch a playthrough video (especially with commentary).

like in general it shouldnt be necessary to go through all these hoops just to know the lore! especially for things that may have little lore...

anyways, uh, back to cathal. i cannot stop thinking about this.

it definitely wasnt an answer to what i specifically asked - but possibly more so about... why cathal is the way he is? and despite what my brain and low self esteem during hard times may tell me - i do not believe that anybody is truly "lazy". i just dont think that exists. there's always some reason behind a person being unmotivated or lazy. even the little things!

but like... that's just kinda obvious. all toons and cogs have motivations. thats like... one of the basics of writing characters. have motivations for characters and reasons for why they are how they are. doesnt have to be anything tragic, just.... how they are as people.

it's totally unrelated to the question of what cathal thought about seeing his dad like that... but oh well! i asked that because i made up my own story around that already, and i just wanted to see what someone working on the game thinks about the same idea.

not to be Tumblr User CathalBravecog, but, of course I have projected heavily onto cathal. i have already stated how important cathal is to me as a character, especially with appreciating myself when im.. not exactly the most motivated. when im not doing much. taught me to appreciate breaks. hell! i keep preaching this myself. its okay to take breaks! and yet i often end up not doing it and i overwork myself on games and art and other things.

there's... a lot of things "wrong" with me that i don't have names for yet, especially due to not having a diagnosis for them, but they're very real feelings and they cause me to be unable to do things a lot of the time. various mental blocks and a new member of the gang... physical pai! hooray.

this... endless productivity we are forced and expected to do. it can take a toll on you. breaks are just as necessary and to say it's a thing that has to be re-learned is... sickening. hooray for living in a Corporate (clash) society, fellas.

one thing i can say is that i absolutely headcanon that cathal has adhd - though, maybe not the same type i do. i do not think he gets randomly hyper and wants to (and does) jump around everywhere and blurt things out randomly and impulsively. cathal here has the low energy, yknow.

i like that a lot of the content around him doesnt even describe him with the words "lazy" and "sleepy" instead.

every day is the same... even if his job is relatively simple, just watching over the camera feed - it's definitely boring... and having to do it every day is not rewarding. and being mostly alone and without consequence, he gives into wanting to do something else. he's got these huge screens and a room to himself, and he loves watching shows and cartoons... so he's gonna do that. it's more fun. it's stimulating. and especially with his dad being the one to give him his position, he knows that he's got nothing to really worry about there.

i also think it's a bit hard to be motivated knowing that... this war between the cogs and toons is just. endless. hell, again, he has to see his dad *everyday* be attacked by them. his body damaged after the fall - only to be fixed again. rinse and repeat. i would too, find it pointless. especially if you're like cathal, since i pointed out before that he is very kind and caring towards the other cogs. he's also thoughtful, noting that yknow... a lot of stairs to get to his room.

why do all that when you can chill... and feel good. do something that feels nice...

i don't have any names for this, but with how sleepy he usually is, that's definitely a thing to consider too. and just, from experience... being tired and/or sleepy it... dismotivates you even more. its so hard to start tasks even if you *want* to do them. and considering cathal mooost likely doesn't want to do his work on his own - then these tasks can be just. impossible to start.

like, i have struggled with this my entire life myself, just because of my adhd screwing with everything, but after getting covid and most definitely getting a form of chronic exhaustion from it.. things have been even harder. i pull myself through day and i barely have the energy to even start anything. sometimes i dont even do anything all day and... woops! still no mood or energy to do anything. i just work on random bursts of motivation and things that captivate me...

not sure how it relates to cathal, but, hey, if im personal here ill ramble about it too because WOW it has been biting me in the ass and i need to speak to Professionals About It

like... i dont think hes being "lazy" willingly, yknow? theres a reason behind it. it definitely is just... being sleepy, the comfort... the fun and stimulation doing something fun he's interested in (his shows) are just... stronger desires and way easier for him to get to. why struggle through something when it takes up all your energy, and then you feel no reward for it? yeah. exactly. even just "not feeling like it" is a reson. "not having energy" is a reason. hey, are these things to get better about if needed? certainly. i wish i could get help with this, it would help me in my life so so much. but should it be seen as ENTIRELY negative and as being a "hinder to society". hell nah. and i think thats swag. cathal is swag he can do this, good for him lmaooo. my brain is deteriorating i apologize.

there was... another thing i wanted to say, but i forgot. so i'll move on.

but just... yeah. i dont think cathal is just lazy. i dont believe in "laziness". he's got reasons for why he prefers naps and just... watching tv instead of doing his work. perhaps he does want to do these things, but gave up on trying. its not worth the effort, it does not feel good. its not stimulating enough to keep him going.

[bonesandthebees]

Okay longer review for glass ch18 time :DD man what an amazing chapter. Got duped waking up thinking im gonna get crimeboys, and then i got both crimeboys AND sandduo

Im gonna skim reread it as i review

hES USING WILBUR?!?#$ HELP BROO ITS SO SMOOTH AT THIS POINT

There was like one chapter where i caught it and i felt so proud of myself, but after that i just get so invested that i dont even notice until someone points it out lmaooo

I think I did notice when it switched to Pythia, at least subconsciously bc I paused at it and scrolled up a bit to see if it'd always been Pythia but ig I didnt scroll up enough lmaoooo

Ohkygod he switches to Pythia the minute Phil enters the room ohkgyfo u cant be playing around with the narrative like this bee, u are way too smart wtf... I'm still in awe with how flawlessly you play around with the change of name. It's always intentional, and yet it feels so natural when you read it. It doesn't feel like a conscious decision from Wilbur at all, ughh it's so good!!!!

Goddddd I love codependent crimeboys so much bro ohmgydo and u always write it Perfectly ty amen

I think ive said this before but ur just so good at characterization man like helloooo

Each fic!crimeboys are so unique to each other, but you could remove their names and I'd still know they were crimeboys. They still feel like them and ahhh i love them so much

Also bro i totally called Phil waiting for them 😭 it made me so tense LMAOOO

Wilbur fr was like "We're quiet we r chilling!!" Like no sir. No u are not

Its the fact that Phil knew the answer to all his questions, he knew Tommy left him alone aaaaaaaaaaa

I cant do this man theyre all so wheofidbekdhdlkflfek

The fact that neither of them told Phil about the sketchy guy who saw Wilbur is making me so scared tho like noooo guyssss ur already in trouble, just be safe about it and tell the truth noooooo 😭😭😭

Phil is such a dad in this scene ohmygod

Also im laughing, their punishment is they cant talk to each other 😭😭

“Then just close your eyes,” Phil said, almost in the exact same way Tommy had.

Like father, like son [bawls]

Although the Pythia was desperate to know why Phil had paused for so long after seeing his face, he simply nodded, and tried not to flinch when Phil’s free hand grabbed his chin to hold his head still.

Not my dumbass's first thought being "HES HIS SECRET LONG LOST SON" LMFAO FHFJFK

Then i was like "okay no its definitely bc of his age"

Brooo i just want the moment where they see each other without him closing his eyes rahhhhhhhhhssss

Also

I realize i said i was gonna skim reread this chap, but nope im just rereading it properly lmfao 😭😭😭 slow and steady pfff

Its so goood

Now I'll have 2 chapters from glass on speeddial for sure

God every moment of sandduo in this fic is just a parallel of their relationships with their gods im soooo 😭😭😭

When i first started this fic i was so certain that the majority of all Clara's things were just misinterpretations from her followers that got passed down century to century but now atp idek. Im skipping ahead and I'll probs talk more about it at the end of the chapter but like Kristin literally touched Wilbur- Clara's never gotten that close to him. Though maybe it's bc she's not as strongly connected? On both ends... Im rambling here as I theorize so I might not phrase this correctly but, like. My first thought was Phil said blood helped her connect better to the living world, so maybe that's why she can be physically here and not Clara, but I also thought about how maybe it does affect the relationship whether it's mutual or not, right? Cause Phil chose to be with her, there's trust on both ends. Wilbur got thrown into it, and maybe that affects the magic of the connection or smth. Or Clara's a bitch lmaoooo. I always appreciate seeing the god of life being the antagonist. I feel like it's not gonna be black and white though, things are not often with you hahahaha.

God that was a large paragraph whoops. I am certain though, that at least a large portion of the traditions they have (cough not being able to see the face cough) (just being treated as not a person lol), are things both misinterpreted or just plain ol made up to be able to better control the Pythia. Because, who wouldn't want to be able to fully control someone who can see the future? Idk how they'll ever find that out for sure but damn yeah, it's sad. Look at what you've done Bee, you've traumatized a perfectly good boy

Lmaoooo

Is there a limit to how long these things can get?? Spruce how do u separate them into diff parts, do u go by vibes or is there a limit LMFAOOO

Anyways

God. The way Phil knows what Wilburs thinking 😭😭😭 im gonna cryyyy theyre sooo ahdjfkfld

The way you describe all the tiny details, god, your writing feels so real. It feels like it breathes. I feel so immersed in it. I can not only see everything happening around me, I can feel it, as if I were there. I dunno, I just really appreciate all the tiny details you mention, and how you take care to remind us that his eyes are closed by describing the sounds around him, and how you mention him feeling odd when he winces bc of his face being numbed, like ik theyre not a big deal, but those details mean so much to me. They make everything feel so much more alive.

And the way you describe people's thoughts, they're so realistic rahhhhhhss. Your characters always feel truly human

I love your writing so much aaahhh

The cheer i let out when i saw the mate at their 2nd meeting when i read this chap for the first time LMFAOOO

It was at that moment vey knew they were getting a truck load of sandduo--

I had also already forgotten that Phil had told Wilbur he was gonna show him smth lmfaooo

I am starting to get tired fr (it's been almost an hour Oops) so i think i will pull a spruce and split this into two parts and continue after some breakfast or smth LMAOO (pst gang ftw 👆)

Dudududus away into the sunset

I was definitely debating whether or not to start the chapter with him using wilbur, but it just felt right so I went with it and I'm very happy with the tone it gave because it provided such a good tone shift when phil showed up and wilbur switched back to using 'the pythia'. it's such a fun narrative tool to use, though it's definitely a bit exhausting to remember every time i refer to wilbur in narration i'm making a choice with how i refer to him. fun, but a lot to keep in my head

ty I'm so glad my crimeboys feel that distinctive <3

lmao phil was so pissed when they got back. he figured a lot out on his own but wanted to hear it from tommy himself. they really should've told phil about the guy wilbur bumped into tho rip :/

yeah no phil is not wilbur's long lost father or anything. I only think those kinds of twists work in very specific stories, otherwise it just feels like a cheap way to be like "look now these two have a biological reason to care about each other!" and really gives off the vibes of found family being less important than blood family

the thing is regarding wilbur's relationship to clara is that when contrasted with phil's relationship to kristin, i want it to be obvious that it's a two-way relationship. you have to put in what you wanna get out.

LMAO spruce pls share with the class how you split up your asks

ldksjfkl aaa that's so sweet. I love including tiny details like those because I try to make my stories as easy to visualize as possible. I know that when I read something, I want to be able to see the scene perfectly in my head, so I try to emphasize the facial expressions and body language and the setting they're in and all that to really immerse the reader in it

tysm i'm so glad you enjoyed!

[letmeoutofthebasementt]

can I ask your honest advices on something personal? so I get next to no communication from a now former friend, I had some hunch to ask a reader if said friend dislikes me and the answer came back as yes so I recently googled if ignoring someone or not reaching out to them via texts can count as them being jealous or having some dislike? yet they still send the bday present and xmas card or present as do I but I feel like its a cheap way when I know she practically lives online but I barely here from her so I dont really know what to do? we havent met in years and she makes next to no effort to seem interested in what im doing even if I try to take interest in herself as a friend it feels very one sided even when we used to meet up it would always be about her and never any follow up questions.

I know she has a disablity of some kind however the effort she puts into her other friends is vastly different. if she messages me its once in a blue moon and only to ask if I want to do a quiz, now I stopped checking my online profiles so much because like it seemed she was much more into what she got from others i dont want to feel desperate by constantly trying to fix whatever this "friendship" was supposed to be. do i ask her or do i wonder about it? if she dont tell me how am i gonna know what to do about it because many ppl been like her even when I was in school I was always dealing with ppl who pretended to care when they didnt. I didnt know any better then so it feels like ppl r just only using me if they need me for that certain point otherwise they fuck off and find "better friends" elsewhere like am i that replaceable or weird?

is this petty of me to want to ignore her back or is it mostly her behaviours towards me? the thing is I have dealt with many ppl like her and it doesnt put her in a good light it gives trying to be nice to my face but for all I know she could be chatting shit with someone about me? and shes quite popular online. hence why it feels like im always bottom of her priorities since always having to instigate a conversation felt like conversing with a brick aka it was going nowhere. I know her disability cant prevent her from being a decent person but do I just leave her? yet this whole present giving thing really isnt it for me. its giving oh I will just send her something to make it seem like she cares when she dont message or try to get in touch nor does she want to meet up. all her messages in recent years have been so short almost too blunt

does this sound like jealousy or regular dislike? sorry for rambling again but im so effing tired of these types of ppl who act like they care to have a friendship but then half ass their way out of it, it doesnt help that we moved since long ago so we cant be closer physically as friends. But I feel like my existance bothers her for some unknown reasons. as I told the tarot reader im nothing special heck im not the popular one she is if anything I would guess she was quite popular that she simply didnt need me? You would think if we was real friends she would make a bit more effort cause sometimes theres things I wanna tell her but am like wait she dont care so im not gonna bother cause she want certain replies and comments yaknow?

thanks so so much in advance if you read all of this!!! I love your blog and readings so felt comfortable to ask you for your thoughts hope you dont mind the rant there!

Honestly that’s an awful situation to be in. In my opinion, it’s not necessarily jealousy. She just doesn’t like you, point blank period.

Now, I can admit I’m the type who’s on my phone a lot but can sometimes miss people’s messages, and I’m not good with reaching out first. But that’s not a good behavior. And at least if she liked you she’d be interested when you’re talking, which is something I do. And she’d be there for you. And at least she could come around to responding eventually instead of flat out ignoring you and only contacting you when she needs you.

It seems like to me she’s keeping you around so she can have more people clinging to her and chasing her to fuel her ego. It’s more an ego thing than a genuine like. She does not like you. I’d bet she doesn’t even necessarily tolerate you. But she likes your attention.

She likes the experience of being worshipped and chased. Knowing she doesn’t have to try and you will just chase and follow her to the ends of the earth.

[wadesprincessboy]

Some old friends of mine found out i went on holiday to Israel twice and dropped me, calling me a terrorist supporter because I dared step foot in my mother's home town. What they failed to notice was 1) i was a small child, i had no choice, and 2) i went there because my mother had been given months to live and it was her last wish! To visit home again! Luckily, she is still with us today, but like ????? She went there to see her home one last time. And the time we went previously was because she wanted me to visit the Kotel and she wanted to visit her mother's old home.

The "friends" of mine didnt know any of this. They just told me i was evil and blocked me (they were online friends). They didnt even ASK why i was there.

And the worst part? Those friends? They were Jewish -_- they were anti-zionist Jews who just....hated other Jews for visiting our holiest site????? Idk man.

Also, as a fellow NZ Jew (I believe I recall a post previously of yours OP stating you're in NZ, correct me if Im wrong), I totally get that fear. I recently attended my local pride event, and my mother wore a shirt that said "Pride" in Hebrew. I wore my Magen David necklace. We both received dirty looks from many people, and in the end both ended up leaving early, because we felt unsafe. A year prior we went to the same event, both wearing the same things, and had zero issue.

I also hesitate to tell anyone irl that im Jewish, because i just know what the next question will be ("oh god are you a zionist?!") and if i answer wrong i could be in danger. And its not Palestinians who do this. Its mostly white people who actually know nothing about the situation and just like to trend hop and be seen as correct all the time.

What also sucks about being Jewish here in Aotearoa, is how effing small the community is. There are two synagogues in my town and im lucky for that! As theres only like....6? Ish? In the entire country. I say my town but its over an hour away lol. But yeah, one synagogue is orthodox and would be unlikely to accept a gay trans person, and the other is the one I used to attend before they started protecting abusers! And putting really shitty people on the board -_-

Also to add more somewhat unrelated complaints: the big left wing party in Aotearoa? Yeah they kinda suck ass. Last I checked they were rather antisemitic, and also make some really shitty statements? Not to mention all the other crappy stuff. And our other options are just right wing!

Anyway, sorry for the ramble, i just wanted to get that off my chest. Hope you're doing well this evening!

You know what? I'm still not over that fucking post.

Like there are multiple reasons as to why someone would like to visit Israel. It could be to see a religious site which is important to them, and not even just jewish site, muslim, Christian or Baha'i sites too. They could have family they want to visit.

There are multiple reasons as to why someone would want to send a gift to Israel. It could be their family members birthday, someone could have just beaten cancer, someone could be in the hospital dying and you want to give them something to make their last few weeks not utterly terrible.

And whilst this is not new, it is just straight up xenophobia. Israeli government bad is something that is well established, but it's not like Israeli citizens or the citizens of any country are their government.

And yeah, it does really piss me off and make me actually mad that my ex friend reblogged that.

I literally have to avoid certain parts of town because strangers who do know my opinion will see that I'm visibly jewish and harass me. I have had to avoid going to things I've been invited to because the organizer has made some posts with could be construed as either being normal about jews and Palestinians or be antisemitic and I don't want to risk it. I have to do a fucking jew test on any potential romantic or sexual partners to make sure they are normal about jews before we go on a date in case they find out I'm Jewish on the date and I get attacked.

And literally all of this behavior does not come from Palestinians. It comes from non Palestinians, mainly white people, who appropriate Palestinian suffering as their own and act because of that. I have so much more patience for Palestinians because of what they go through than a random white person.

And honestly, I just cannot stop thinking about what would've actually happened if I stayed friends with my ex friends. If they would've harassed or attacked me. And I worry to this day that the Judenhass will get too much and they'll fucking doxx me.